Seasonal evolutions. Here we go. Studying and working and running and routine. True love. Growing a garden, working in a tin can.☀️

Home. I arrived at 8pm last night in time to surprise @hillarywatsonmusic with flowers on her walk home from work. Perhaps my first ever truly successful surprise. And what a drive it was to pull it off.

Last days on the island, first day of the road home. Twelfth time crossing the continent by road. First time solo. It has slipped by like a dream, this last month here, like a whole season in retrospect, and still, somehow, summer is just beginning.

Drive for hours, across two days on the way up, to the north western tip of the island. I swear it will be worth it. The expanse of sand, the tides, the colours changing with the currents and the arc of the sun, the skewed sense of distance, the wolf pack, the star fish and anemones, the sea caves, the campfires, and the disconnect.

More snapshots of spring feeling like summer. Little snacks of sunshine, captures of joy, heatwaves. I run, I sweat, I smile. I wake and try my darnedest to repeat.

To be amongst those chosen as family in a time of great significance. To be in the presence of friends who have opened up their homes. To bask in heat and sunshine by the ocean in a time of ease and plenty. To be forgiven for poor time management.

“Poly Bros Hit the Road” — Cross the continent in less than a week with Rob. Long-hauling on the front half and then slowing down for time with friends over the last 3 days. The Great Lakes great as ever, their soft sand beaches and crystal blue…

Take work on the road, a multi-stop tour for business and pleasure, and an attempt (successful, I’d say) to make business more pleasurable. It all comes back to care, for me.

Down time. Mostly staying at home. Taking the train sometimes to Toronto. Cuddling my cat. Spending time with new friends and old. Making plans and socializing. Family. Practicing. Sitting in the sun.

A week in the desert with family, properly disconnected from work, outside almost all day everyday. It takes the first few days to get into it, and then there’s a few in the middle where it feels like I’ve let go and am actually present.

It’s International Women’s Day and I’m grateful to be spending it on vacation with the 4 most influential women in my life, my mom, Jennet, my sister Naomi, and my partners Tlell and Hillary.

Time slips unbeknownst, unfolds itself across the sky and folds itself back in, like seamless origami. Finite but without edges, I watch the contrast heighten and the space between objects grow distinct.

Spin spin spin spin spin. Get sick, slow down, don’t go anywhere for days. Time warps, stretches and deflates. The light passes through the house over and over, from the kitchen at the back in the morning, to our bedroom in the afternoon. It is midday, and I worry about a loss of momentum.

Unconditional without expectation. When the hard stuff’s been proven already and all that’s left is the knowing. When the ruffles have been flattened with time and even the quirks have been identified as aspects of the self that hold consistency. When there is no more need to earn a place, except by being.

To step into a new place and know memories will be acquired here without awareness of what. To exist stunned and ungrounded for a week in that kind of vacancy, the projection of all of this being familiar when it is still not quite real.

Summing 2022 up in a blur. A holiday race to the finish. The perks of feeling so supported colliding in a rush of family and friends, traditions packed back-to-back, eating and drinking and sleeping in celebration. A touch of excess, but I’m certainly not complaining

Form a habit in three days with a little help from my friends. Old sentiments coming back easy, deja vu and nostalgia for a different time. First things first, get coffee.

Imagine the way you are and imagine the way that is perceived when someone else sees you, a mirror turned to glass and suddenly there’s no reflection, just the world passing, and you’re there and unimportant and just an object in your winter coat and wool hat that your partner gave you.

The opening scenes of our lives are mere flashes and nothingness by the time we're reflecting on what it means to have had a beginning. By the time we're conscious of it, already here, somewhere in the middle, caught up in the perpetual moment of self-awareness.

A couple of weeks of grounding. Sleeping a lot. Staying in except for coffee and necessities. Deep cleaning. Then doing like the cat does and sprawling across sunlight. Filling up space, feeling settled, then taking off again.